How to free yourself from the eyes of others without losing trust or social ties

Why does the gaze of others weigh on us so much?

We are social beings. Since the dawn of mankind, our survival depended on our integration into a group. Being rejected by the tribe once meant mortal danger. Today, although this is no longer the case, our brain has not completely updated its software: it is still hard-wired to seek the approval of others. And that is quite normal.

But sometimes, this fear of judgment becomes excessive: we no longer dare to express ourselves, we avoid certain situations, we doubt ourselves... and our confidence takes a hit.

👉 What if we learned to sort between useful judgments and those that don't deserve our mental energy?

Judgment is everywhere (and not always where you believe)

We assure you: you are judged all the time. But be careful, it is not necessarily serious. Like you, others use mental shortcuts to sort information. They judge often your behavior, not Your person. There is an essential nuance here.

Let's take an example:
You arrive in a meeting with a poorly buttoned shirt. We're looking askance at you. This judgment is not about Who you are, but on a visual detail of your outfit: it's a Behavioral judgment.

On the other hand, if your colleagues say that you are “always late” or that “you lack rigor”, then it comes to Your person. And that may be worth paying attention to... but not always either 😉

TCC exercise: “Who I am”

To better experience the eyes of others, psychologists recommend a simple but powerful exercise in three steps:

1. Distinguish between behavior and personality

Take a situation where you have recently felt judged.

Write down anything that relates to:

• behavior: “I wore a colored jacket”, “I spoke a bit quickly”, “I formulated an email incorrectly”
• of the person: “I am too stressed”, “I am disorganized”

➡️ Result: 80% of our anxieties actually come from superficial judgments. Once this realization is made, a lot of anxiety evaporates by itself.

2. Evaluate the legitimacy of the judgment

Yes The others may be right... or wrong.

So it's important to ask yourself the right questions:

• Is he a caring person who knows me well?
• Does this judgment come up often?
• Does this judgment say something that I also feel deep down?

💬 Psychologist's advice: If the criticism comes from a toxic person or someone who judges everyone... there's no need to give them your mental energy.

3. Focus on what's important to you

You don't have to please everyone. But you certainly want to remain faithful to certain values: respect, kindness, integrity...

🎯 It's up to you to choose who deserves your attention. You can decide that:

• you no longer give importance to remarks about your appearance
• you refuse to feel bad after each meeting
• you accept being imperfect... like everyone else!

‍ What you can do with MindDay

In the MindDay app, you'll find:

• one CBT program to build self-esteem
• Of Guided exercises to detach yourself from the judgment of others
• Of self-therapy sessions to better understand your bottlenecks
• Of anti-rumination meditations to no longer be overwhelmed by a remark or a glance

➡️ Download the MindDay app and start freeing yourself from the eyes of others today 🧘 ‍ ♂️

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